(Child Abuse) To the evil, scary monster: I love you too

The scary, evil demon speaks,

“I love you” He says.

She knows and fears what will

happen

The memories.

“Everyone loves their parents.”

She must be a monster then.

Humiliated. Made Wrong. Put to shame.

Memories.

First memories ever in this life.

Being terrified. Physically unsafe. Hurt.

Belittled. Injured. Needing Compassion

and Safety.

Finding terror.

He hits her. Screams at her.

Gives her more reasons to cry.

Stories.

Even before earliest memories.

Told that he did things to her. These things which made  her cry for hours.

Such things happen every day in this world. To children. Toddlers, babies, infants.

“Parent”, “Protector” is the tyrant, the demon, the content of young nightmares.

Now. Early childhood.

Counts the days.

Counts the hours until the

evil scary monster goes on his next business trip.

She wonders,

How cold is she?

She can’t remember loving him.

Never.

The scary, evil demon speaks,

“I love you” He says.

She knows and fears what will

happen if she doesn’t lie.

She isn’t allowed to lie.

She isn’t allowed to speak the truth.

There is no safe place.

Frozen in petrified fear. There is nowhere to run or hide.

There is no escape.

She turns to the evil, scary monster.

“I love you too.”

Sorrow’s Birdsong (concise version 2)

by Winston and by Autumn
Can one fly far from the pain and the past?
Is sorrow too faithful and one thing that lasts?

by Winston and by Autumn

Sorrow’s Birdsong (Concise version 2)

Can one fly far from the pain and the past?

Is sorrow too faithful and one thing that lasts?

Only a sharp knife meant to cut deep

Is this the one promise that life does keep?

A broken wing; A shattered heart.

Beyond or within this life….

Where is the new start?

Summoning Sweet Death

by Autumn

Oh sweetest angel,

I’m ready for a last breath

How do I summon you,

Sweet Angel of Death

This life is not enough

And yet just too much

How do I find this angel?

I just need one kiss or one touch

I want to be far from this place

A bleeding out existence called life

Called life but its really death

Shattering, burning

Just one last breath

May I please leave this place?

What must I do to see an angel’s face?

Sweet Angel, with your mercy and grace

Angel of Death, please show your face

I am ready to breathe

Only one last breath

All I need is a kiss or one touch,

Sweetest Angel of Death

Sorrow’s Birdsong (concise version 1)

Can one fly from the pain and the past?
Is sorrow too faithful and one thing that lasts?

by Winston

Sorrow’s Birdsong (concise)

Can one fly from the pain and the past?
Is sorrow too faithful and one thing that lasts?
Only a sharp knife meant to cut deep
Is this the one promise that life does keep?

Sorrow’s Birdsong

Can one fly from the pain and the past?
Is sorrow too faithful and one thing that lasts?
Only a sharp knife meant to cut deep
Is this the one promise that life does keep?

Sorrow’s Birdsong  (unabridged)

by Winston and by Autumn

 

SORROW’S BIRDSONG

Trying to fly with a broken wing
Yeats called love a crooked thing
One could also say about life
So much wonder, so much love
But no escape from a deep cutting knife

The knife cuts so deep
Survival and the thirst
Are hard things to keep

How do you fly with a broken wing?
Do birds ever cry when they sing?
Love and life…..such crooked things
Will it be more sorrow?
Or some joy, respite, and peace?
Now what will this life bring?

With a broken wing, can one still fly?
Or just stay outside looking in
A bystander just existing
And watching life go by?
Partly wanting to sing a sweet song
Partly wanting to cry

Can a sorrowful bird find a way to sing?
How much hope for a mended wing?
Pondering and wondering on such silly things
Should one try to fly with a broken wing?

How does one get to feel free?
How does one rise above
To a place where less sorrow
A brighter day, a better tomorrow?
How does one rise above
Life’s mysteries of sorrow
To a higher place, where there’s more freedom and love?

Life….this deep cutting knife
Trying to fly with a broken wing
Should one fight for this life?
Will there be a new song to sing?

A broken wing; A shattered heart
Beyond or within this life….
Where is the new start?
Feeling so heavy. Needing to feel light
Is sorrow’s song the darkness before light?
Off in the distance, is there an ending in sight?

Can one fly from the pain and the past?
Is sorrow too faithful and one thing that lasts?
Only a sharp knife meant to cut deep
Is this the one promise that life does keep?

Was it only in dreams
That we were here to expand
The Book of Love?
To see beauty and wonder
To explore things high above
To see just a glimpse of the infinite expressions
of love

To practice it, to further define it
Unknowable in its vastness
Expressed in words like those from Shakespeare or Yeats
Love in all forms, to feel and relate

Love and life are wondrous, beautiful, crooked things
With broken wing and broken heart,
Is there only a song of sorrow to sing?
Will life show a new start?

Outside looking in at life
And watching it pass by
For this life should one even try?
Can there still be a thirst for life?
Or from this dark life should one flee
To a place where a broken wing
Is no obstacle to feel peaceful and free

In these shadowy netherlands, one is not meant to stay
Learn what it takes to fly with a broken wing,
And with hunger and thirst, plus a sweet song to sing?
Yes, here is not a place meant to stay
Decide.
From this life just fly away?

Or completely in life stay?
Even though
It will never feel like one does belong
No respite. No peace
Just sorrow’s birdsong

Should one try anyway?
Love every breath? Every song?
Sweetly sing every song one can sing
No matter what songs life does bring
To sweetly sing even sorrow’s birdsong?
And to fly with a broken wing?
Be fully in this life, for now to stay
Or from this life fly away?